truth

as the darkling sky echos my ache
rain softly falls as a lone sparrow sings.
caught between this heaven, this hell
in limbo I wait, unmoving, shivering
unable to speak knowing only that
my words would cause more pain.
if I reply, I am only desperate
if I remain silent, I never cared
yet my voice thunders in my mind
reaching out, grasping at the only air
that can save, yet it flees from the
salvation I know will never come.
I see still dark eyes in my dreams
and yet my nights are muted by
the fumblings of my shabby words
furious at the dark, knowing i cannot
ever recall the halting uncertainty
and unspeak my whispered truth

Brothers

Of birth and blood
we two are one
until our lives
are said and done

Our fathers sons
are we alone
through thick and thin
and worlds unknown

And in our hearts
we share a bond
a simple love
that goes beyond

Mere word or thought
we can express
a feeling that
we both possess

A friendship like
a silver chain
that binds until
we meet again

So when we part
let us not weep
but strengthen more
the ties we keep

Of birth and blood
we two are one
until our lives
are said and done…

Ode to a child dying

I was working in the ICU unit and was pulled into the peds ICU and this work is derived from that experience. The love, pain and sheer emotional tidal wave was palpable at times… This work describes one small slice of that encounter that affected my life in such a powerful way

tiny innocent
for life
simply fighting,

parents sweating,
crying blood,
trying to infuse
life by touch,

tears awash,
turmoiled lives,
revolve around
visiting hours,

parents grasping
at straw hopes,
cursing life,
cursing death,

looking to blame
only themselves,
knowing this,
they cannot
themselves blame,

begging god,
take me,
let the little
one live,
only silence,

dripping seconds
congeal into
regretful days,

we plead,
heal quickly
love awaits,

silently screaming
making deals
with destiny,
if this
then i’ll that
no deal

frustration rises,
pendulously swinging
to sorrow…

tiny fingers
grasp hope,

clinging love,
imparting joy,
waving goodbye,

bitter agony,
souls rending,
plotted roses…

New Life
slowly awakens,
virgin utopia

welcoming home
tiny innocents,

celestial star,
newly discovered
twinkling softly

alive forever
in hearts
and heavens…

4NM-1

so beautiful
so tempting
but my words would fail
my world would fall apart

I have been down this road before
and it left the deepest scars
in my soul but
still I am tempted by you
by your smile
by your soul
by the sunshine in your hair
everything about you draws me in
makes me want you
know you
intertwine my soul with yours
blending into a new being
that we create and nurture

time would only bind
with fine silver chains
the love we would share
so beautiful
so tempting
but I am too afraid to share
all that I am with you
because you are now tied to another

as I watch in pain
knowing you are happy
but still I am tempted
by your smile
and by the beauty of your soul

4NM-2

my quiet eyes look to you
and are gently drawn to yours
they change color to the deepest blue
when you return my gaze

I slowly step closer as my hand reaches out
to softly graze your cheek
you lower your eyes and smile that enchanting smile
that captures my heart every time

your uplifted gaze calls
again to pull me in
as you quietly whisper
with that sly smile “c’mere”

my hands glide gently
up your arms
as I pull you close
I feel my heartbeat quicken
as your warmth embraces me

my shallow breaths
give away my passion and need
I feel your arms tightly embracing me
pulling me closer

I deeply breathe you in
my face lost in the tangle of your hair
you smell of vanilla lavender and sandalwood
earthy warm and inviting

our embrace brings peace
as you slowly melt into me
your smallness encased within
I now know where home is